Wednesday, January 25, 2012

I think my wagon is broken...

1.25.12
I think there was some fine print I didn’t see when I so gladly accepted the terms ‘allow yourself 1 cheat day’ - my one day has become a few days. Now before I let my thoughts to say, “I knew you couldn’t do it”, I gotta point out that I think I still have one arm hanging on to the wagon – I haven’t completely fallen off. My workouts with AOG are still consistent, but the food area just isn’t what I know I could be doing better in. I would usually allow myself the weekend to give the discipline a break, but I slowly started finding myself allowing that weekend to flow right into the work week. I know that a little here and there will soon end up a lot of ‘allowing’ and little discipline. I took my weight this past Saturday morning and I had only lost 4 ounces. Before I got disappointed in the small number lost, I have been working out or building muscle should I say. But my clothes haven’t really loosened up either, so is it just taking its sweet time or is this the result of too many cheat meals? I guess when my conscience is telling me, “Jessica, don’t eat that – walk away” and I try my hardest to find the healthy ingredients to justify my choice…mmm, that’s not good. I have got to evaluate my wagon, check the weak areas, fix ‘em, and jump back in – I cannot give up – I will not give up.
Let me dig back into Made To Crave for this next point. Lysa points out that we can’t give in to temptation at any time. We often say, “It’s not fair that ___________! It’s not that bad if I have just one bite of __________, riiiiiight?” She said that small compromises like this will lead to two and three and four (just like my cheat days overflowing into my week).
“Temptation given enough attention will consume us. Don’t compromise with reasoning of exercise, special occasions or even when no one else is ‘sacrificing’. This is when the virgin gives in on prom night, the in debt girl pulls out her credit card for a special at the mall, the alcoholic skips AA and goes out with her girlfriends for a 40 th birthday party. Think those moments thru – this may feel/taste good right now, but how will I feel about this later?”
I’m mentioning all this because this is exactly what’s been happening lately with my eating. I’ll start back with my mom’s surprise dinner…I allowed myself to eat chalupas and tacos and not just one of each. Along with those grease soaked tortillas, I at myself a cupcake and a half with some Pepsi to wash it down with! A few days later the weekend came and what did I promise myself? Weekends are my cheat days. Then came special visitors and a request for my specialty – sliders. Oh yes, those delicious little hamburgers in the middle of a buttered sweet Hawaiian roll lathered in ranch dressing, bacon and avocado! For those mini burgers you can’t just have one! Then comes the big ‘O’ and no I don’t mean Oprah. O-R-E-O-S. When my mom showed up at my house with a package of Double Stuffed Oreo’s my resistance lasted all but 2 minutes before I snuck into the kitchen and carefully peeled back the wrapping and ate myself 1 Oreo cookie. And let me tell you, up to the time I was able to touch the cookie, I kept telling myself, walk away Jess, don’t do it, get your mind off the cookies, go find something else to do. UghL. I have got to write reminders such as Lysa’s on my hand so that I don’t forget them – as I’m putting whatever bad food in my mouth I can read it as my hand is coming up to my mouth and STOP! I have got to remember that whatever the celebration – I can’t give in! What I’m going to do on my anniversary in a couple days or the long weekend trip to New York next week – AHHH! Pray for me, friends! I have got to rely on the strength of God living inside of me to say NO, this choice will not benefit me in any way.
This is the last week of January and I have exceeded my goal by losing 4.2 lbs. [my goal was to lose 3.5 lbs. each month in 2012] – so I’m glad and rejoicing! I’ll leave you with the same scripture Lysa gave in her book;
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecution, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10

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